A Fearful Tale

"We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face..." ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Fear...timidity....apprehension...anxiety...unease...trepidation...

I metaphorically walked by a mirror this week and caught sight of myself and realized something kind of scary. I have been living consumed by fear lately! I normally don't consider myself to be a fearful person minus the ever present arachnophobia and ophidiophobia (fear of snakes), but as I reflected on my actions and feelings not only here in Denver but in the past couple of years I realized how fear-driven I've been. I've been afraid of failing or disappointing people. I've been afraid of being along or unaccepted by people. I've been afraid of letting change happen and afraid that it won't. As I thought about it, I realized how many things I haven't done because of fear, how many chances I didn't take. It's the first time I've ever looked back and actually had regrets about something. Mostly I realized that by letting fear drive me, I'm not living into the person God has created me to be. I am one of His chosen people and have the authority of His power and grace. There are a myriad of verses that address fear, but I found the most comfort and challenge in Romans 8:15 where it says, "So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.”  I have been in the company of some very bold people, and I so admire the way their assurance is not found in the situation but in a God who is over every situation. My prayer this week is that God will give me boldness and that I will live in courage and strength instead of timidity and fear. 

That's all for now dear ones! God's Peace to you all!

~Kate

Game Changer

Hello again!

     It's time for an update! I am officially in my Denver CW house and ready for the summer. Last night as I sat out on the front porch in the cool night air, I looked around the neighborhood and looked at the city skyline a few blocks away and thought to myself how incredible my God is with the way He is orchestrating everything all the time. There are just some things in your life that you cannot deny must be part of God's plan because they just fit so perfectly, and that is where I am.
     While I was preparing to come, I was nervous and anxious about giving up some of the selfish conveniences I'm used to like running to the store to buy whatever it is I'm impulsively desiring at the moment or doing whatever I feel like doing whenever I feel like doing it. But now that I'm here, and I've met everyone, I'm just excited to be part of this community/family. I've started looking at life and the world in a little different way. I feel almost like a spectator looking at my habits and ways of life from the outside and realizing that so much of what I do and what I strive for is all part of a societal game. My perception of the goal of this game is that I should have a job, make money, spend money on lots of things like new clothes, newer technology, etc. all for the pleasure and success of myself. In order to achieve that I have had to harden my heart to the needs of others and be selectively blind to the brokenness of people so I can focus on my own game. I can't deny that even now part of me still desires those things, but they seem less shiny and more empty from out here.  In Ezekiel 11, God is going to bring His people back from exile and this is what He tells them, "An I will give them singleness of heart and put a new spirit within them. I will take away their stony, stubborn heart and give them a tender, responsive heart." I feel the need to get out of this game of self-seeking, not because I think those things are wrong or evil, but because I can't run the race God has asked me to run for Him while I'm carrying all that stuff. I'm still figuring out what this looks like and how the idea will manifest in my life, but I'm excited for the uncomfortable shift.
    God's peace and love to you!